Why I Came Out

Coming out as queer can be incredibly difficult, as you don't know how people will react. Even more so if you're a zoo with the stigma that it carries. So it's important to be careful about it. Here's some pointers, with ups and downs of coming out, as both my online and real life circles know I'm a zoo at this point.
 
 
Weighing Necessity/Benefits against downsides
First off, do you need to or will you benefit from coming out? Personally, I came out because keeping it secret made it feel like I was doing something wrong, or am something wrong, regardless of how I rationally felt. In the case that you have no benefit from coming out or will actively suffer from doing so, don't feel the pressure to do so. 
 
 
Who to tell?
You're going to want to come out to those whom you trust incredibly first. Close friends or romantic partners are a few examples. In my experience, most people will hear you out for your attraction if there's a real strong friendship/relationship with that person, even if they'd otherwise be opposed. However, keep in mind those people need a real connection with you. I've lost quite a few people I wasn't super close with because I didn't know their outlook, and that'll happen. And that's just how it is, unfortunately. Be careful.
 
 
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst
Coming off the tail end of my last point, not everyone is going to want to associate with you after you come out as a zoo to them. Know that there's a chance they could tell other people you know mutually too, if this is a hill they want to die on. It can be scary, getting kicked out of entire friend groups sucks, but it's a possibility.
 
 
Remember, you have community
You're never alone. While there's some infighting, unfortunately that's inherent in every community, because everyone has a different perspective. However, it is also one of the most accepting, diverse, and kind communities I've actively participated in. Most (not all, be sure to ask first, moreso those you don't know) zoos are more than happy to have a discussion, and give support when you need it. The ZDP Discord or community members on Twitter/X are great places to start.
 
The reason I had come out was because I felt guilty for being who I was, and thought that I was a bad person. My partners found me in a very emotional state, induced by anti-zoo sentiment online. I had to tell them, as it was wearing me down, making me think I was weird or disgusting. However, my partners didn't mind, and were quite supportive, telling me that they had suspicions and that they accepted that part of me, allowing it to be parts of conversation and never shaming me for it. Results will definitely vary and it's obviously not something you must do, but I've found having that knowledge between me and those I love made us much closer. Being able to make jokes with my partners and friends makes these feelings feel much less strange, more acceptable, and normalized, as it should.
 
 
Finally, You're valid no matter what.
Remember to stay safe above all else. It's incredibly nice to be able to tell people close to you. You don't need to come out, and it doesn't make you any more or less valid if you don't or do. It doesn't make you any more or less a zoo if you engage in activism or such activities. Be you no matter what.
Stay Safe Zoos! 
 
 
 
 
Article written by Jacy (April 2025)

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